March 22 2008
I have a dance routine I’ve been working on for the past 5 years. The small important audience appear dependant on the success of my performances. My dance steps are usually gracefully precise ensuring that there are smiles on their faces and warm secure hearts beating in their chests.
At times I get so lost within my character, my imagination tricks me into believing I am a part of the audience, and I change my dance steps accordingly until I trip and fall flat on my face. I feel humiliated as I lay sprawled in my tutu while being reminded of my role.
While I have no doubt that the audience appreciates and adores my dance routine, their applause is so much fainter than the gasps exhaled when I fall during any improvised steps. After burying my shame, I stand once again on the stage and continue the performance they seek and I weave my magic around them to provide their longed for sense of belonging and kinship.
Only when alone, do I sometimes allow myself to take a peek at my true self beneath the rouge. To slip out of character, away from the stage, is always a lonely and conflicting experience. After indulging in a little private self pity, I powder my cheeks and then prance off ready to perform on cue.
4 comments:
Just beautiful Babe. Succinct, honest and engaging - all the things you are. You are beautiful. However, if you ever fall off the stage in front of me I promise you I will yelp in shock, run to you, help pick you, check you're okay, brush you off, help you back up on stage, tell off the conductor for playing the wrong music, the director for not giving you enough guidance, costume for not providing you with a padded tutu and the choreographer for not taking the edge of the stage into account, all the while trying very hard not to laugh!!! Love ya Babe!
Oh you're not really such a bad bunny are you?
Well, don't be telling anyone ....
Just wanted you to know that I appreciate everything you do for me and for all of us. You are a fucking amazing dancer. x
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