Does it take a village to raise a child ?

April 15 2008

I know it’s been used to the point of cliché, but they say it take’s a village to raise a child. There is controversy as to how this old African proverb is best made applicable to contemporary western society, but I must say it certainly prompts me to think a little and evaluate expectations.

One challenge with being a mother in the 21st century is that we have a window into the child raising experiences of the globe. Historically when woman bore children in small communities, they’re parenting skills were only compared to other woman in the “village” who were usually raising children within the same environment and circumstances.

Most woman raising children in Australia today, are exposed to scenarios that vary vastly from their own. The stay at home mum, the part time/full time working mother, the working/studying mother, the mother surrounded by family and friends, the mother isolated and alone……these women only have the name mummy in common. Even woman within the stay at home category have differing scenarios which affect the strategies and skills needed to raise their children.

How many of us are aware of the torture we are subjecting ourselves to by comparing our parenting competency with others? There are no super mums. I despise being referred to as a “super mum”. We are all just being mothers. Sometimes we cope and sometimes we don’t. No matter what our mothering demographic is.

Why are we forgetting that our children need us to cope as best we can within our individual circumstances? Why do we worry so much when our coping strategies differ from others? Why do we question our right to seek and or accept help? Why do we so often forget that as parents, we play a key role in the way our future society is shaped?

What is my message? Yes I do believe it takes a village to raise a child. Let’s say yes to family, friends, communities and services helping a mother with whatever it takes for her to feel on top of her role. Let’s also accept that our village in the 21st century is rather huge and a woman’s experiences and needs are individual. A child doesn’t care how Mrs Smith next door copes with her role as a mother. Our children only care about how we manage to cope raising them.

If we need help, perhaps it’s not a question as to whether we as women deserve it. Perhaps it’s a question as to whether our children deserve mothers who cope with and enjoy their crucial role in a child’s life….whatever it takes.